my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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