3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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