i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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