This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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