I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
