a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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