dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
