What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
