At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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