google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
