why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
