dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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