im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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