You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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