How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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