She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
