I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
try to milk me bitch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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