i barfeds in our rink
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
