Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
