listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
