You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
