a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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