"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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