just tell him i said nine months
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
