her vagine was all disorganized.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
