My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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