Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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