and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
