you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
