The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my poor anus
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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