Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
