me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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