I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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