accomplished twins. life is a go
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
