I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
