I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
