Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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