I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
