I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Can Purell be used as lube?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
