Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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