Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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