I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just googled if crying burns calories
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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