guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
