I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
