If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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