she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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