Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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