I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
