I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
