An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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