NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
