Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
