then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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