Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
