Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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