Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At least make sure they are 18
Why
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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