woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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