Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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